Sunday, 23 October 2016


You have not had one of my reports for many days. This is because our whole world has changed.

Earlier this year Dad decided that he did not want to go to work any more. He decided that he would now be "Retired".

Retired is when Humans change their behaviours in some quite startling ways.

Example #1:   Mum and Dad now sleep later each morning. This means that there is no longer a warm spot in the big bed for Heidi to leap into for a couple of hours of snoozing before Mum gets up.
It also means that our breakfast treats are served at a slightly later hour.   Pfft!

Example #2:   Heidi and I can now enjoy a walk together. Mum can only manage one dog at a time as - apparently - one of us can become a little over excited sometimes. Now Dad comes along with us so we can all go together.  Wags!

Example #3: One's humans began to throw out lots of stuff and pack stuff into boxes. Dad began to paint anything that stood still and Mum went into a cleaning frenzy as though Christmas was approaching. Odd!

Example #4:   One can find oneself being left to the care of dog-sitters far more often. Mum and Dad seem to feel that they should take themselves off to places unknown on a more regular basis. Pfft!

This all came to a head a month or so ago when Heidi and I found ourselves being loaded into the car for a play date with some people called Bevan and Angela.

We were dropped off at a very nice place with a big lawn of soft, springy grass - perfect for rolling upon - a swimming pool, and one of those trampoline things. We were busily exploring the yard when Mum and Dad sneaked out and drove away. 
Bevan played with us and gave us treats. I worked out how to open the sliding door into the house and HoHo found a nifty hiding space under the trampoline.
After about an hour, Mum and Dad returned, put us back in the car and we came home. 
A week later, we were taken back to Bevan and Angela's house, but this time Mum and Dad did not come back to fetch us.

We did not know what to think. 
We had been abandoned. 
What had we done wrong? 
Heidi told me it was my fault - too many socks stolen. 
Bad as that was, worse was yet to come. 

A few days had passed when a van arrived at the house. A man loaded us into crates and drove to a very noisy place. There were other dogs in cages there, just like us - even a few cats - but, who cares about them. 
We sat in our cages and worried about what was going to happen next.

It was unbelievable!!!

We were taken to a huge metal a bird...sitting out in the sun. Our cages were put inside the bird thing and then it was all dark. We could feel the bird thing moving. It was very loud - very scary - and it seemed to go on for ever. When the noise finally stopped, the side of the bird was opened and our cages were taken out and put onto a little truck. It was dark outside and chilly too. 

And then....Mum and Dad were there!! Our cages were being opened and Mum and Dad were hugging us and telling us everything was okay. We had been flying and now we were in Tasmania.  

Here is a map to show you how far we far we came.

We started in Brisbane and flew in the bird thing all the way to Tasmania. Probably about a million kilometres, I would say. How brave were we? 

Mum and Dad took us to our new house and gave us dinner. We were extremely hungry. Our cubby beds were waiting for us with brand new warm mattresses to snuggle into. Heidi's couch was even there too.  Mum settled us down for bed as usual and we curled up to sleep.  Phew!

We are all back together again and things in our world are almost normal again...except for some really odd smells out there in the garden.  

Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Heroic Hounds Save the Day!

Nothing much has been happening around our place for some time.

Life has gone on as usual - breakfast, snooze, walks, snooze, play outside, check on Otto the Rat next door, snooze, compare notes with Kailua the brown cat over the back fence, tell Mum it is nearly dinnertime, wait patiently, tell Mum it is dinnertime, eat, check the backyard, snooze, welcome Dad home, snooze,  pre-bed snack, check backyard for possums, bedtime. Just the usual routine.

However, on Saturday, Mum and Dad headed off to the shops to buy food as they usually do, leaving us on the eastern side of the house. We have a good-sized piece of garden to play in and we can get into the garage where our bed cubbies are.

So we waited for them to come home. Heidi and I always get nice meaty bones after Mum and Dad come home from shopping. Someone called "Butcher" provides them.

After a while, Heidi thought that she heard a noise in the house. She went down to the laundry door to have a look and a sniff. She came running back to tell me that there was definitely something going on inside the house.

This seemed odd to me because I had not heard Dad's car on the driveway.

We waited quietly.  The noises became louder. We could hear cupboards opening and things being tipped out on the floor. We went back out to the laundry door and saw......PEOPLE......IN OUR HOUSE.

Heidi and I had a bit of a bark at that point. Who were these people and what were they doing to our stuff?  Our barking didn't seem to bother them. They were busy making a mess and hardly gave us a second look when they saw us through the glass door of the laundry.

We dashed back to the garage. We sat quietly and listened. Heidi went to bed. She said the acoustics were better inside her cubby. Pfft!

And then it happened.....

I heard footsteps coming along the corridor.

I waited.

The garage door opened........and......


Heidi followed behind me barking berserkly.

You should have seen the faces of those intruders!  The woman took her belt off and tried to hit me with it, but I ducked out of the way and went for one of the men. He dropped the bags he was holding and ran for it. So did the woman. The other guy had one of our television sets and was already on his way out to his car. There was nothing we could do to stop him. They went out the back door and closed it so we couldn't go after them. We kept barking as loudly as we could. "They're getting away! They're getting away!"

Our neighbour from across the road heard our noise and came to see what was happening.  He ran across the street and started wrestling with one of the men.

Just then, we heard Dad's car outside. We rushed to the front door as Mum and Dad were coming in.
They saw right away what had happened.
Mum looked out the window and saw the intruders in the lay-by. Dad raced out to help our neighbour while Mum rang the police.

The intruders managed to drive away, but not without damage. Our neighbour punched one man and broke his nose, Dad injured the other man's face as well, and the two of them smashed the car's windscreen.

 The policemen came quickly and pronounced HoHo and I to be heroes. They said that it was clear that the intruders would have escaped with a lot more than one tv set if it hadn't been for us.
We accepted meaty bones as our reward.
The television set they did not take. Can you see the bags all full of Mum's pretty shoes that they were going to steal?

The cheeky devils used every bag they could find, even pillow cases, to pack things into.

Here I am guarding Mum while the police people dust for paw and fingerprints. One has to keep out of their way while they do this. I was willing to help, but was informed my services were not necessary.

You will be pleased to know that the police caught those rotten intruders. We didn't get our television set back though. The main thing, according to Mum and Dad, is that we are all safe and sound.

Mum said she was very proud of her valiant dogs and gave us big cuddles and extra treats.

Warning to potential house breakers:   

Thursday, 25 December 2014

Ho Ho Ho!

Merry Christmas everyone.  Heidi and I hope your Christmas has been as good as ours.

Yesterday was the day of the traditional Christmas feasting.  Our other humans arrived at our door bearing armloads of bags and parcels.  The benches in the kitchen were filled with trays of food and many packages were added to those already under our Christmas tree.

As directed by Mum, Heidi and I had steadfastly avoided interfering with any of the parcels under the tree up until the moment that this one was placed there by Eliza and Mark.

See that little label?  It says "For Trudy and Heidi Ho" and, let me tell you, we knew straight away it was for us. It smelled really, really, really yummy.
We tried to remove it from its position under the tree using the old Divert and Switch tactic whereby Heidi distracts the humans by being particularly endearing and super cute while I sneak off with the targeted treasure.
But, as usual, Mum's eagle eyes spotted the manoeuvre and put a halt to it immediately.  Pfft!

We didn't have to wait long though. We were allowed to open the parcels - because we are extremely talented on the ripping and tearing skills - for everyone.

Look at the super-dooper new pulling thingy that Santa brought for me.

 It even has a handle on it!!  I was informed that the handle is for the human to hold while I pull.  I dispute this.  Mark says the two tails are there so we can both pull on it while someone holds the handle.  I have decided that if I can't hold the handle, I am going to chew it off.

But - back to the mystery box.   When we were allowed to look inside it, we found that it contained special doggie muffins.  YUMMO.  They are made with peanut butter and other tasty things.
SO GOOD.  As you can see in the picture, we had to try a few to make sure we liked them before Mum could take the photo.

Now the pretty tin is sitting on top of the refrigerator because Mum informs me that she - get this - doesn't trust me. 
Can you believe that?  

We love Christmas. 

Monday, 15 December 2014

Scary Business


Never allow cats near computers. 

This is the sort of thing they are likely to get up to.  Innocent dogs all over the world could find themselves exported from their homes Goodness Knows Where...which, as we all know because Mum has spoken of it many times, is where unwanted things go.  It is the generic name for the places I hide Dad's unwanted socks and underwear.

Cats are clearly creative yet horribly devious beings.  HoHo and I have had several run-ins with cats. They are not to be trusted.

Computer owners beware.  Cats are out to take over your machines.  You have been warned!

Monday, 1 December 2014

The Solution

The Christmas tree is up and we have freshly steamed carpet and new chairs in our lounge room. A large and very noisy truck arrived yesterday and, despite spirited resistance on our parts, Mum allowed two men to bring the chairs into the house.

These additions to our home have, however, raised a whole new issue.

Apparently, new chairs are not to be rested upon by canine security patrol officers.  Pffft!!!

You will observe the disdainful pose adopted by Officer HoHo in the picture above after she was informed of the new regulations by Mum.

It seems that only human posteriors are deemed worthy of repose upon these new seats.
Heidi and I are putting together a detailed list of reasons as to why we should also be allowed access to all seating within our area of protective services.

All suggestions will be gratefully received.  We feel this new regulation is a gross abuse of power by our humans. Heidi says we need to act on this as soon as possible before the new regulation becomes set in stone.

Signing off.


Sunday, 30 November 2014

Confusion reigns

Normally at this time of the year, according to Heidi's diary, Mum builds a Christmas tree in our lounge room. She then explains the Rules Pertaining to Christmas Trees to us, just in case we have forgotten them from last year.
No searching for possums in the Christmas tree branches, no barking at the flashing lights, no chewing anything in, around or attached to the Christmas tree etc.  You get the idea.

However, this year our lounge room looks like this.

The old red chairs have made their way into the garage. This is odd. Heidi slept on one last night to ensure that it was not stolen.

The old blue couches are now in the family room. This is also odd. It happened on Saturday when Heidi and I were outside discussing events of the day with Otto (aka The Rat) who lives behind the back fence. He was concerned about his humans because they had become obsessed with cutting branches off the bushes in their garden and throwing them into large black plastic bags. Otto was maintaining a low profile (not hard for one so small) in order to avoid being mistaken for a branch and ending up in a bag.  We advised Otto to be very careful. You can never tell what these humans are going to get up to.

Anyway, now we have this arrangement in our family room.

You will notice there is a complete lack of Christmas tree.  It is not in the lounge. It is not in the family room.  Heidi's diary (in which all wisdom is written) clearly states it should be built now. We are confused.

Our first reaction to this oddness of activity from Mum and Dad was to check for suitcases.  Usually, when they start behaving oddly, it means that they are about to disappear off to the High Seas or Places Far Far Away and that Uncle Mike is coming to take care of us.

There are no signs of suitcases being packed.  Hmmmm.  'Tis a puzzlement.

Right now, Heidi is lying, snoozing, relaxing,  guarding the lounge room in a deceptively relaxed-looking pose. To the untrained eye she appears to be sound asleep, but in actual fact she is on high alert for any new activity - weird or otherwise.

As senior guard hound, I am being vigilant also. I am performing my usual patrols of the house and garden, keeping Otto up to date on proceedings, checking on all hidden treasures (including one sock carefully removed from Dad's golf shoe last night) and maintaining my dental health by chomping on an ancient bone I had forgotten I'd buried behind the palm trees.  This is called mutt-li-tasking.  I am so busy!!!!

Stay tuned for further updates.  Must get back to work.


Thursday, 16 October 2014

Things That Go Knock in the Night

Every night, after dinner, Heidi and I have our post-dinner nap.  This is important for our digestive comfort and, according to Mum, is one of the most peaceful times of the day.

Last night, however, our nap time was rudely interrupted.

There was a THUMP on the window of the lounge room.  We both woke up with a jump. It was a loud thump and definitely a scary thump.  I believe that Mum was startled too, because she said a word that even I know is a bad word. Dad hadn't come home from work yet so, as usual, it was up to me to protect the household.

I unfolded myself from the armchair I had been keeping warm for Dad and gave the window a stern bark.

It responded with a series of sharp rattles and knocks.   Eeek!  I hurried over to Mum to make sure she was not too frightened.  I sat on her lap to reassure her. 

More knocking!   Double eeek!   Heidi came to help me look after Mum. 

We waited.  Mum managed to remove me from her lap and put on a show of bravery by walking over to the window.

Another knock!  Look out, Mum!!

She opened the shutters so we could see out into the dark and fearsome night.

We looked.  Who or what could have been knocking at our window?
You will notice in the picture that Heidi is adopting the less brave observational option by putting the chair between herself and the beastie of the night. She maintains this was because I was taking up all the room beside the window and she needed to be up higher so that she had a clear view of the interloper.  Pfft!  What a load of codswallop!  It is easy to see who the big, brave, super-protective, household security officer is...and it isn't her.

So, what was the source of the knocking?  Well, apparently this stupid bird had flown into the window...CRUNCH...and knocked himself out.  Then, according to the rules of bird-dom (which are somewhat similar to the rules of football), had to be sidelined for a few minutes to be tested for concussion.
The initial thump was him crashing into the window and the subsequent rattling around was another bird testing him for brain damage.  The knocking was the injured bird trying to get his bearings by tapping on the glass.

Birds are weird things.  They are all feathery and fluffy and enjoying teasing and tormenting household security officers who choose to conduct their sentry duties from a lying position in the sun.   

This bird looked confused. He had to sit on the ledge for about thirty minutes before he was considered fit to return to whatever bird game he was playing.  I watched him closely until he flew off into the night with one of his friends.

Peace was then restored to our house. Heidi suggested to Mum that treats might be in order for the valiant security team.  Mum poo-poo-ed this idea but, when Dad came home, we told him how brave we had been. (Soft touch is our Dad.)  Treats were then issued.

All was well in our world.