Thursday, 26 December 2013

Christmas Day

It is Christmas time again and we just love it!  Everyone is in a good mood and there are lots of little treats for well-behaved dogs.

On Christmas Eve we were put to be bed with strict instructions about barking at odd noises on the roof during the night. Apparently, these noises would be caused not by possums playing football (as is the usual practice with possums at this time of the year) but by Santa landing his kangaroo-pulled sleigh up there.

So we slept peacefully and awake to find that our Christmas tree…with which we had dutifully avoided all contact as per the Rules of Christmas agreement of 2007…had been surrounded by parcels.

I was given the highly important job of opening the parcels.  I am supremely talented in this area.  My ripping and tearing skills are unsurpassed.  Heidi helped by barking encouragement.

Some parcels are tougher than others.  Humans have a tendency to overuse the sticky tape but I managed to open every single package under that tree.  I was informed that I was being retained as  the Official Christmas Parcel Opener for Christmas 2014.  Yes!

Here is what was in the parcels that had 'Heidi' and 'Trudy' labels on them.  We were very happy with Santa and very glad that we had not frightened him off when he visited our house.  It is easy to understand why one should not bark at him when he delivers such goodies.  I was prepared to hoe in and demolish the lot right away but Mum, in her infinite wisdom, said that would not be happening. We had to socialise with the visitors and have our photos taken.

Heidi is able to sit up and look particularly cute for photos.  She has what Mum calls a "barrel butt" which allows for perfect weight distribution when sitting. I, on the other hand, am long and leggy…a very attractive attribute in blondes, according to Dad….so when I attempt the sitting up posture, I fail spectacularly and topple over.  So I don't even bother trying so as not to embarrass myself.  I simply sit and offer a paw for shaking.

Finally it was time for food.  Mum had made the table ready for everyone and our visitors had all brought food with them so there were heaps of yummy smells in our house.

The humans ate and we ate.  The humans laughed and chatted and we took a nap.  The visitors eventually left and we ate some more…so did Dad.

Well, after such an exhausting day, I needed a good solid snooze so I found a comfy spot and settled in.

Dad lay down on the couch and snored and I snored in the chair beside him.

I really like Christmas.  :) Woof!

Friday, 13 December 2013

Surprising behaviour

I have been informed that there are people out there who have been wondering why communication from me has been sparse lately.
Well, I have been surprisingly well-behaved…at least according to Dad. Mum might tell a different story but she has been too busy to tell dad about my adventurous lifestyle.

 Dad doesn't know about the set of pyjamas that he left on the chair in the bedroom that somehow found its way out to the palm trees.  I thought I had buried those jammies really well but Mum with her eagle-eyesight and somewhat suspicious nature spotted them. They were then dug up, washed and returned to their rightful place under Dad's pillow with his being none the wiser. Several pots of bromeliads suffered by way of retaliation I might add.  My treasures should remain where I bury them.
 Dad does not know about the two bread rolls that he had earmarked for his lunch that filled a passing pup's tummy last weekend.  Mum did a hasty bakery run to buy replacement rolls (and a couple of doughnuts for afternoon tea). He's spoilt, that Dad of ours.
 Dad does not know about the semi chewed sock and its mate that had to be thrown out because Mum decreed that the toe-less look was out of fashion this year.  She popped a new pair of socks into Dad's drawer to replace the mutilated ones.
 Dad doesn't know that the bathroom was particularly sparkling on Thursday because Mum had to mop it twice that day after I chose to throw up a mess of partially digested toad on the tiles.  I thought it was preferable to throw up in the bathroom than on the carpet. Mum agreed with this philosophy but gave me the lecture about chewing up road kill for the seventy-second time anyway.
So, I believe that what Dad doesn't know won't bother him and will ensure that I continue to receive a good cuddle from him every night.

Friday, 1 November 2013

Ho Ho to the Rescue

An ugly bug came buzzing through our house today.
It came in through the garage when we went out to play.

It flew into the kitchen and smashed into the wall.
It lay unmoving on the floor so Mum thought that was all.

She went to get the dustpan to sweep the thing away
And I arrived to help her but just got in the way.

The bug then resurrected and flashed across the room.
It bounced up to the ceiling then shot downwards with a zoom.

I saw it coming for me so I went into a spin.
The bug dive-bombed me several times. I swear it wore a grin.

I performed my famous vertical leap. Didn't want that bug on me.
The ghastly beastie sensed my fear and would not let me be.

It buzzed around my head and ears. I couldn't get away.
Then SuperHero Heidi arrived to save the day.

She raced into the family room and assumed a battle stance.
The bug began  to circle in a fiendish bugly dance.

Heidi stood as still as stone.  She was so very cool.
The bug flew ever closer….silly little fool.

Past her ear - a daring dart, around her nose, it flit.
And when it buzzed past Heidi's mouth……she promptly swallowed it!

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Moving things

Things have been changing in our house lately.
Mum and Dad have been moving the furniture around.  I don't know what brought this activity on but I find it very interesting, and just a little confusing.

In the big room, where there used to be a pool table, there is now a table and chairs, a wooden cupboard thing that a television sits on and a couch. The pool table was taken away by two men one day. They came with a little truck, loaded it on the back and drove away.  Mum didn't seem to be concerned about the theft of our pool table at all.  She even held the door open for the men.  I tried to protest but was told to be quiet and mind my manners. How am I supposed to be the protector of the house and contents when I am minding my manners?  

Heidi was a bit peeved because she liked to sleep on the mat under the pool table.
I thought about filing an official complaint on her behalf....something in the form of lizard remains left in the lounge room....when I noticed that Dad had brought a couch into the room.  I happen to like couches.  They are so comfortable.  One can stretch oneself right out when one is having one's post dinner snooze.

We have another couch. It is in the lounge room but it is usually occupied by Heidi.  She has invoked the 'Older Sister's Advantages' clause of our housemates agreement whereby she gets first choice of snacks, sleeping quarters and human laps to sit on.  This means I usually have to squeeze my large size self into a medium size armchair while she luxuriates on HER couch. So, I was understandably delighted to find that I now had my own couch on which to ever-so-gracefully recline.

The only problem now is that Dad appears to be of the opinion that MY new couch is his.  He wants to park himself on MY couch to watch the Golf Channel.  I have tried to explain to him that there is room for two on the couch if he keeps himself to one end, but he insists on my vacating the couch completely so that he can spread himself out.....and he won't even share the cheese and crackers!

Tuesday, 3 September 2013


This is a fruit bat.  I don't like fruit bats.  They fly around at night and crash around in the palm trees eating the little nutty things that the palm trees grow.  They squeal and squeak, making a lot of noise.
But, worst of all, they POOP!!!!!   EVERYWHERE!!!!  They are indiscriminate poopers.

On Sunday Mum was complaining about bat poop being on the windows. There was even some that had gone through the insect screens and onto the shutters.  Disgusting!

This didn't really concern me until last night.  You see, I was outside doing one of my regular patrols of the back yard, when one of the rotten little flying poopers flew over and pooped on me from a great height......on me.......on my back......right on my beautiful blonde woolly back.   Unbelievable!  I was shocked.  It felt horrible...all wet and stinky.  Disgusting!

Normally I don't have a problem with stinky things but this was just insulting.  What sort of creature wantonly poops on someone from a great height like that?  I tried to get it off by rolling on the grass but that didn't work, so I dashed inside to tell Mum.

She was in the kitchen doing something so, considerate dog that I am, I decided to not disturb her and went into the lounge instead. I thought maybe I could scrub the stinky goo off on the couch if I rubbed myself along under the cushions.  That didn't work either.

Then Dad smelt it.   He was not pleased.  I tried to show him that it was bat poop but he just told me to get away from his trousers. So I tried to get the poop off by rolling on the carpet.  That didn't work either.  I was very upset and confused by this time.

Mum heard all the uproar and came into the living room to see what was going on.  Dad had a hold on me by then and he pulled me out into the laundry.  (It was more like dragged really).  Mum gave my poor despoiled back a sponge bath and finally the stinky poop came off.  Then Mum dried me off with the hair dryer and I began to feel a bit better.

Mum realised that my delicate feelings had been hurt and said I could have a Schmacko to make me feel better.  That worked wonders.  Heidi appeared out of nowhere to get in on the Schmacko deal.  She claimed that she had felt my trauma and also needed a soothing treat. Pfft!

Mum said that when I hear the bats squealing, I should stay inside but that would interfere with my security patrols.  I think I need some sort of umbrella that would attach to my body to protect me from disgusting flying poopers.  If anyone can design such an umbrella, contact me via this page.

Thank you.

Monday, 26 August 2013

What the...?

We are seeking an explanation of this thing which we saw on our lake today.

It seems to be some sort of bird but we have never seen a bird like this before.  It was sailing across the lake this morning when we were having our walk.  Heidi and I sat and watched it for quite some time.

It is quite a big bird.  Heidi says it is not a duck. She says she wouldn't want to jump in after one of these. It has big wings and a sort of flat body.  I think Heidi could stand up on its back if she wanted to and have a ride.  I wonder if it is a friendly beastie?

It has a scary bag thing under its chin. When it sees a fish in the water, it dips its head in the water and scoops up the fish in the bag.  You can see the fish in there squirming about!  Horrible!  Then- gulp - down the fish goes.  Yuk!  I myself am not a fan of fish - but I do like those little prawns they put in Chinese fried rice.

When it was done fishing, this thing sort of stood up and ran along the top of the water, flapping its wings and eventually took off.  It flew around for a while and then landed on the other side of the lake. I think it was doing aerial surveillance - looking for more fish.

The landing was unbelievable. It came skidding in with its feet down and swished water up in a wave before sitting down on the surface.  Something like my mud puddle splash down only without the face plant at the end.

It is a puzzlement.  Whatever could it be?  

Saturday, 17 August 2013

The Bed Hopper

Heidi and I have very comfortable beds. In fact we have two beds each. There are our warm weather beds which are trampoline beds on metal frames - and there are our winter beds which are like dens. They are big dog crates with cosy inserts to keep draughts out. Heidi even has her bean bag inside hers. In my winter den I have a nice thick base pad, a pillow and a blanket of many colours knitted by Nanna many years ago.  Our beds are super comfy.

However, recently, Heidi Ho has taken to playing a mean and nasty game with me in the middle of the night.  She has become.....A Bed Hopper!

For reasons best known to herself she has decided that she wants to snuggle not in her bean bag but in MY BLANKET OF MANY COLOURS!

We go to bed at the usual time after treats and a quick trip outside and settle down for the night.  Then when the house is quiet Heidi gives an alarm yip!  I wake up and am instantly alert because I am an amazing guard dog. What has she heard? I think to myself and race to the door to listen. I walk around checking all the doors to ensure that we are all safe.  Then, assured that all is well, I return to my bed and pillow and blanket only to find that Heidi has jumped into my bed.

I tell her to get out but she won't go.  I ask her nicely but she won't go.  I growl at her but she growls back.  She will not give my nice comfy bed back so I go into her bed.  But it is not my bed and I want my bed.  So what am I to do?

There is only one answer. Cry for Mum. So I knock on the door and cry for my Mummy to come and tell naughty Heidi to get out of my bed.

When Mum comes to see what is wrong with me because I am crying so piteously, she is not overly impressed with either of us.  She tells HoHo to get back in her own bed. Heidi goes. I jump quickly into my cosy den, put my head on my pillow and snuggle into my blanket of many colours.

All is quiet.....for now.

Saturday, 13 July 2013

Oh Dear!

You may remember some time ago Mum had a big clean out and found this ball for me. 
Well, today something dreadful happened.
I don't know how it happened. I was just playing with it in my normal very, very gentle way. I didn't do anything, really I didn't.
Heidi was nowhere in sight so it wasn't her fault either.

My beautiful green and black ball suddenly became very unhappy with itself and started to spit its insides out.

I tried to push the insides back in but they kept coming out. I put my paw on the ball to pat it and even more insides became outsides. So I took it to Mum and she said she didn't know how to fix my ball,
She said she would try to push all the insides back in and stitch through the material to hold it all together. BUT she would only give a half hour guarantee on her work.  She said I must have been too rough.

I was insulted by this suggestion and gave her my most pathetic look. She said she would try to fix it but I must not hold out a lot of hope for its survival.

Oh dear. They just don't make balls like they used to. Thank Goodness I still have my super dooper red high bouncy ball.
I wonder where I left that?  Hmmm.?

Sunday, 16 June 2013

The Mystery of the Poor Sore Paw

My sister Heidi Ho has had us all concerned because of a poor sore paw. All day yesterday she walked around on three legs holding her front right paw up as if she were one of those hunting pointer type dogs.

Mum gave her front leg a thorough examination and Heidi didn't seem to mind at all.  Mum rotated, stretched and manipulated the leg from shoulder to toes. She carefully probed the little furrows between the toes. She rubbed the paw pads. Heidi just sat there and didn't wince or whimper at all. Yet she continued to hold up the poor sore paw.  She managed to con an extra treat out of Dad by looking particularly pathetic whilst holding up the poor sore paw.   I was appalled!  Fortunately Mum was on hand to slip me a treat too even though there was nothing wrong with my paws.

Why was Heidi's paw sore?  Was it from battling tigers in the bushes? blood.
Was it from a vicious biting ant? swelling.
Was it from holding on tightly to a knuckle bone to stop it from moving while it was being crunched?
Was it from an overly exuberant bout of wrestling with 'moi'?

WHY?   It was a mystery.

This morning she bounced out of bed and the poor sore paw as no more.  A miracle had happened overnight.
Some mysteries are just never solved, I guess.

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Old Habits

In the great Dogosphere there are several major forces at work.  The chief of these is the Common Knowledge or Accumulated Wisdom; things that all dogs know because of the millions of doggie spirits that have gone before..... such as the necessity of digging holes, seeking out treasures, chasing pussycats and possums, rolling in smelly things etc.

Mum is of the opinion that doggie spirits never really disappear; that they are actually released, restored and reincarnated.  She cites some rule about energy being neither created nor destroyed as the basis for this theory...Physics or Einstein or something...but she also says it is because dogs bring so much joy into the life of humans that one lifetime is just not enough.

In our house, the Common Knowledge is disseminated by the spirit of the Great Skidoo, a beautiful black Weimarana/Boxer, (real name Juno), who shuffled off this mortal coil some ten years ago.  Heidi seems to be the most recent incarnation of the Great Skidoo. Mum says that Heidi is alarmingly like Juno in her behaviours. Heidi seems to know a lot more than she could possibly have learned in her six years and is often able to offer instruction on the problems that beset a big blonde dog.

For example, when dinner was not being served at the appropriate time, the Great Skidoo (via Heidi) pronounced that a gentle hint was all that was necessary.  A beautifully executed "Sit up and Beg" manoeuvre from Heidi and a flying leap onto Dad's lap by me was exactly the right gentle hint. Dinner was served.
The Accumulated Wisdom triumphs again!
The Great Skidoo is always right.

So, the other day, when I was a bit bored because Mum had gone off to work and left us at home by ourselves, I enquired of the Great Skidoo what I could do with myself.  Heidi meditated upon the question and an answer was produced.  I merely acted upon the advice of all the doggie spirits of the Universe.

And that, Your Honour, is my defence against the current charges of theft and misappropriation.

It was the Common Knowedge, the Accumulated Wisdom....the Great Skidoo.....that made me do it.

Monday, 6 May 2013


MUMMY' S HOME!!!!.....finally.

On Saturday morning very early we woke up when we heard a car on the driveway.  Heidi became very excited right away because she knew it was Dad's car and started squealing and running around the garage.
With all that noise going on I couldn't tell whether it was Dad or not, so I just waited for something to happen.

Uncle Mike hadn't let us into the house yet because he was still asleep so I couldn't jump up to look out the window.  So I waited....Heidi kept squealing, "It's them! It's them!", but I was sooooo patient. I just waited.

And then the door opened......and there was Mum!   Oh!  Then I was very happy and excited and gave her a big cuddle and a slurp. Heidi was dancing around on her back legs, singing her "Welcome Home, Where the Hell Have You Been?" song.  Mum sat on the couch so we could both snuggle up to her at the same time and asked us if we had been good. Naturally we assured her that we had been totally well- behaved at all times and not to believe any stories about missing loaves of bread that Uncle Mike might tell.

Dad wouldn't let me help with the unpacking but I was allowed to jump on the pile of dirty clothes that was waiting to go into the washing machine. That was fun.

Now everything has returned to normal.  Uncle Mike has gone back to his home. Dad went off to work this morning.  Mum went to the shops to restock our food shelf. All is well in my world.

But...I am considering getting rid of those suitcases. If they didn't have suitcases, they couldn't go away, could they?   Hmmmm.

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Policy announcement

As you are probably aware, our policy regarding cats has always been very simple and very clear.
One can either a) ignore the cat......not my choice as a rule......or b) chase the cat....need I say more?

However, Heidi and I have held a meeting, formed a committee and come to the agreement that the cat policy may have an additional clause added.

Cat Policy:  Family Associations

When the cat in question is part of the family it may still be ignored but should on no account be chased.  It should also be offered the same considerations as the family dogs.

So, with this new policy in mind we extend our best wishes to Reuben Cat who was hit by a car last week when he was wandering around outside his house. He has a broken jaw and has had to have an operation to rewire his jaw. This means he has to be fed through a tube into his neck and will have to relearn the eating process when his jaw is better.
Since Reuben's mum is a friend of our Mum, this means he is, by association, part of the family and therefore fits under the new policy guidelines.
Get well soon. Reuben Cat.

Heidi reminds me that there may be cats living in a place called Seattle who are also family by association because Mum and Dad know their humans.
Whoever would have thought that I would ever be referring to cats as family?  It just doesn't seem right somehow.

Stocks running low

Well, it has been a whole month now since Mum and Dad took their suitcases and left us here at home while they went goodness knows where.

We were a bit worried that we would have to manage on our own but, fortunately,  Uncle Mike, whom we had never met before, came to stay with us. This has a good thing because although Mum left us a million trillion cans of food, we are yet to figure out how to get the food out of the can.
Uncle Mike has taken over dinner service, walks, issuing of treats and game playing.  He has also kept up the collection of our you-know-what which makes me wonder if all humans have this odd hobby.

Now Heidi has announced that Mum and Dad will be back soon.  She bases this theory on the fact that there are only two and a half paws worth of cans....thats ten....left on the shelf in the garage.  Uncle Mike does not buy dog food.  He only buys food for himself.  So Heidi thinks that when those ten cans have been disposed of, Mum and Dad will come back with more food for us.  Heidi is a deep thinker.  She studies things, turns the evidence over in her mind and then makes her pronouncements.
So, we expect to see Mum and Dad in ten cans' time.

Monday, 1 April 2013

Oh No!!!

I said something was afoot. I told you something weird was going on.
I knew it. I just knew it.

There are suitcases laid out open in the spare room and there are piles of clothes on the bed.

I know what that means.

It means that Mum and Dad are going off on the High Seas or to Ha Why Ee or maybe Victoria or Cool And Gatta.....or somewhere......and WE ARE NOT !!!!

This means we are going to be sent off to the kennel again.   Pfft!  Pfft! Pfft!

Heidi has gone to her corner of the lounge between the sofa and the little table, turned her back and is refusing to talk to anyone unless, of course, food is involved.
I am just being super sooky and following Mum around very closely.  Maybe she will feel guilty, give up the whole idea of going somewhere and decide to stay home with us instead.


Thursday, 28 March 2013

Something is definitely afoot!

Today is Friday and both Mum and Dad are at home.  Hmmm...unusual.

The day started as it usually does with treats and a post -treat snooze and then Heidi and I decided to have a game of tug of war.

                                                                                        Heidi won.  She was very pleased with herself.

I was exhausted.  Tug of war is a very tiring game.

Dad went out to mow the grass and Mum was messing around with the washing machine and the bedsheets and stuff like that.  Everything seemed to be under control when I was pounced upon by Mum and taken outside to have a bath under the garden hose.  It was very undignified and quite chilly too. I was shivering. Mum said I was a wuss.

Then a quick towel down and I was put into the pool room to dry off completely.  One is not allowed inside when one is in any way damp...or muddy....or smelly. (House Rules according to Mum)

Heidi was also hose-bathed and eventually joined me in the pool room.  We rested and tried to get ourselves dry as quickly as possible while watching Dad washing the patio with the pressure sprayer.
Heidi observed that it was a blessing that Mum did not use the pressure spray on us.

Some time later we were brushed (which I really enjoyed) and issued with bones.

Now, I ask you, is this normal?  We are washed. We are fed bones. There are a million trillion cans of dog food in the garage. A lot of cleaning is going on.  Humans have not gone off to work as they usually do.  Hmmm.
Something is definitely afoot!

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Something is afoot!

The great detective Heidi Ho has announced to me that something is afoot.

I have been so busy being an OCD….Outstandingly Clever (and Beautiful and Busy) Dog...that I hadn't noticed what Mum has been up to lately.

In the garage there is an old book case. Mum keeps our cans of food on the shelves there. Usually,  when I use all my toes to count them, there are about four paws worth of cans there. HoHo says that is sixteen.  Well, right now, there are so many cans in there that we don't have enough toes to count them. We have used up all our toes twice and there are still more that that!!!!

                                                     Something is afoot.

Why has Mum started bringing home so much dog food?  Not that I am complaining, you understand. One could not possibly have too much dog food but this is definitely odd behaviour, even for Mum.

Heidi has wondered if we are getting another dog.  I don't think so.  What would Mum and Dad need another dog for when they have us?  We do our best to keep them on their toes.  What more could they possibly want from us?

Heidi says there are extra treat packets in the kitchen cupboards too.  Hmmmm.

                                                    Something is definitely afoot.

Thursday, 21 March 2013


Today is Friday. We like Fridays because Mum doesn't go to work. She stays home with us so we can go for a walk and have treats in the middle of the day. All good stuff!!
So today I thought I would do something nice for Mum.
You might remember that Mum has a thing about collecting all of our 'leavings' in the garden.  She really seems to enjoy picking them up each day. So I thought I would make it easier for her by putting my offering in a place where she would be able to find it easily and not have to go searching all over the yard.  I considered the issue carefully and decided to put my little gift right outside the laundry door so that, when Mum opened the door, there it would be.  How thoughtful am I?
So imagine my surprise when she didn't enjoy the experience at all.
She opened the door as I had anticipated she would. She stepped out and found my deposit.  Easy!
Is it my fault she stepped out without looking down?
Apparently it is.
Humans!  You just can't please them sometimes.

Thursday, 7 March 2013

A Day in the Life

4.40 am        
All quiet.....sleeping in my little cubby house bed.  Heidi's cubby is next to mine. She is sleeping too.
4.45 am        
Sleep disturbed as a flying newspaper crashes into the roll-a-door of the garage.
4.50 am      
The door into the house opens. I open one eye and watch as Mum gropes her way to the    
outside door to let the day in.  It isn't light yet so I close my eye and go back to sleep.
5.15 am         
Otto ( the Rat who claims to be a dog) is creating a disturbance out near the back fence.
I trot out to investigate and find that Kahlua is sitting on the fence singing at Otto.
Kahlua is a chocolate brown, exotic-looking cat who has lived in her house as long as
we have lived in ours. We have adopted a non-interference policy towards each other
as long as there is no crossing the property line. Otto sees me and scuttles off back to his
Rat basket on the back deck of his house. Kahlua transfers herself up onto the water tank
and begins her yoga style washing routine. Everything else in the garden appears to be
where I left it last night so I go back to bed.
5.30 am        
The truck that steals our rubbish comes past very noisily. Mum doesn't seem to mind
that this happens every week. Odd.
5.40 am        
Dad goes off to work.  We go down to the bedroom to see if Mum wants company. She
doesn't.  She tells us to go back to sleep. Heidi heads off to curl up on the big chair. I go
outside for a bathroom break and am attacked by the palm tree which, for no apparent
reason, decides to throw one of its frondy branchy things at me.  I get a big fright and
run back in to Heidi. She explains that palm trees are erratic creatures and cannot be
relied upon to remain calm at all times. This worries me as I have treasures buried out
there.  Back to sleep on the couch. Resolve to check on my treasures later.
8.00 am        
Finally......Mum decides that it is breakfast time.  Treats are served.  All is well in my
10.10 am      
Left to mind the house while Mum goes out to the shops.  Heidi says it is my shift so
she settles down for a nap while I patrol outside.
11.20 am      
Mum returns with bags of food and a special treat for us. Bones! Yummo!
12.10 pm    
Post bone nap.
12.30 pm    
Mum won't share lunch.  Otto is barking at Kahlua again.  She likes to torment him
by sitting on the fence and swinging her tail down towards him.  I go with Mum to
bring the mail in.
1.00 pm      
Mum and I go out for a walk. Heidi stays at home. She is allowed to stay in the house to          keep an eye on things.  Mum takes me down to the lake and we check out the water dragons, ducks and turtles. I see the signs that say dogs are not allowed to swim in the lake. Pfft!  I love my walk. I hold my tail high and snort happily as I walk. Mum laughs at me and says I am a 'Nutbag'.  Huh?
1.45 pm      
Home alone. It is Heidi's turn for a walk. I have been restricted to the garage and the yard
because, apparently, I am not to be trusted to stay in the house without supervision.
I am insulted and decide to dig up my treasures and chew them a bit.
2.20 pm      
Mum and Heidi come back. I quickly re-bury the sock I am eating and hurry in to
welcome them.  Mum says I look guilty. Who? Me?
2.25 pm      
Post walk nap.
3.00 pm      
Mum won't share afternoon tea biscuits.
3.35 pm         
Help Mum bring washing in from washing line.  I am a great help especially with the
folding of sheets.
4.15 pm      
Dad comes home.  Welcome him with enthusiasm. He says we are 'Nutbags'. Huh?
4.30 pm      
Dad will not share cheese and crackers.  We love cheese!!!!
5.28 pm      
Heidi takes up position beside her dish in the poolroom.
5.30 pm      
Dinner is served...right on time.  Way to go, Mum!
6.00 pm      
Post dinner nap.
6.30 pm      
Watch over Mum as she makes dinner for herself and Dad.  Helpfully dispose of any meaty
off cuts.
7.00 pm      
Mum and Dad won't share dinner.
7.30 pm      
Evening patrol of back yard.  Possums are starting to bark and growl. The man next door
feeds them and they are trying to get him to come out with their oranges.  I give them a good barking. Mum orders me inside.  Pfft!!
7.45 pm      
Pre supper nap.
9.30 pm      
Dad makes cup of tea for Mum.....smells nice.....she says it is Chai tea.
10.15 pm    
Time for bed.  Treats are served.  One last check of the yard. Manage to get past palm
trees without being attacked.  One last bark at stupid possums. Mum says goodnight and closes the back door. Heidi is already in her cubby snoring.  I curl up in my cubby and settle myself down.  It has been a big day.  I need a nice long snooze.

Thursday, 28 February 2013

A visit to the vet

I am in tip-top, fabulous health and I am exceedingly beautiful.  My doctor said so.

On Wednesday Mum took me to see Doctor Ian for my check-up. We left Heidi at home to take care of things and we drove down to Doctor Ian's place.  It's not very far away, out in the trees and is surrounded by amazing smells.  Miss Jeanette's kennel place is right next door. WE had a quick walk around the garden and then we went inside.

I had to sit on the black scale to see how heavy I was...24 kilograms...and then I had to sit politely and wait until it was my turn.  This seemed very strange to me because we were the only ones there.  Who were we waiting for?

Then Doctor Ian came out and said to me how beautiful I was looking and did I want to come in to his room now.  I didn't want to go in but Mum made me go in anyway.  I know what is going to happen when I get in there and I have to say that I am not particularly fond of it.  Doctor Ian looked at my ears and my eyes and my teeth and listened to my chest and pushed my tummy and then.....yes, you guessed it,....he decided to take my temperature.  How rude!  How undignified!
Then I had to have a little sting on the neck before I could have some treats.

Mum and Doctor Ian had a chat about how good a guard dog I am, and how I never let another dog walk past unbarked at, and how clever I am at seeking out possums and pussy cats, and how I am fascinated (I wouldn't have said fascinated...intrigued perhaps, but not fascinated) by Dad's socks, and how I am a teeny bit scared of thunder and other big noises, and some other stuff that I can't remember right now.
Doctor Ian said he "knew the personality well".  I don't know what that means.  Then he said I have  anxiety issues and OCD.  Then he gave Mum some lollies for me to every day.

When we came home and Heidi and I had eaten the pig's ears that Mum have bought for us, I told Heidi about what Doctor Ian had said.  Heidi explained it all to me.  She said anxiety is when you get worried when dinner isn't served on time or when you get frightened by the storms. Heidi says that is perfectly normal for all intelligent dogs; after all, you would be silly not to be worried then, wouldn't you?  Heidi says OCD means Outstandingly Clever Dog and that I should be proud of that.

I have decided that Heidi is right. I am an Outstandingly Clever Dog.  Why else would I get to have the special lollies every day?

Signing off for now.
Trudy OCD

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Issues with Dad

Attention:  Management

Complaints about Dad
 By Trudy and Heidi

  • Dad does not play the hunting of cane toads game properly.  He immediately muscles in on the game and takes over completely so that he is the one to get the toad, thus making Mum happy.  This is totally unfair. He has all the fun and he doesn't even have to have his mouth swished out with a bucket of water afterwards to make sure he hasn't swallowed any toad poison.  
  • Dad has no concept of time.  On the days that Mum goes to work, Dad is supposed to serve our dinner. Mum knows what time dinner should be served and we certainly know what time dinner should be served.  The bowls should hit the floor approximately five minutes after Deal or No Deal comes on.  The problem is that Dad usually has the tv on the golf channel so he has no idea that it is dinner time.  We usually have to take drastic action to prod him into action e.g. Heidi will rush back and forth between the lounge and the kitchen 'talking' as she does so. If this doesn't work, then I have to jump onto his lap.  That usually stirs him into movement. 
  • Dad doesn't share.  Dad likes to eat biscuits with his cup of tea/coffee etc., but he just doesn't respond to our pleas for a little taste.  
  • Dad has an unaccountable attachment to his socks.  When Dad comes home he takes off his shoes and socks and leaves them on the floor in the bedroom.  I consider this to mean that he doesn't want the socks any more since they are somewhat odorous (I like it!) and so I take them ever so carefully out to my hidey-hole under the palm trees.  Somehow Mum always knows where I have put the socks and brings them back in and pops them in the dirty clothes hamper.  She usually says, 'Oh Troods, not again!'  Dad, on the other hand, sits me down for a stern man to dog conversation.  Pfft!  They're only socks........come on!
  • Dad gets to sleep in the big bed with Mum and we don't.     Nuff sed.  Totally unfair!  How come we have to sleep in the garage? 

Please consider the above list and adjust the household arrangements accordingly.

Thank you.

Troods and HoHo

Tuesday, 5 February 2013


This morning I found these things on the kitchen bench.
Mum said, 'Avocados are not for dogs. Get down from there.'

Well, of course, that just made me more curious about the avo things.  So I waited.

Mum put the avo things in a bag and tried to hide them further back on the bench near the coffee maker. Sneaky but not good enough to fool a big, blonde dog.
I waited.

Mum gave us our breakfast treats and then made herself some breakfast. She sat down at the table to read the newspaper.
I waited.

Mum put dishes in the dishwasher.
I waited.

Mum tied up the rubbish bag and took it out to the bin.
I waited.

Mum went to the laundry to start the washing machine. Heidi went with her to keep her company.
This was my chance.

I had to really s-t-r-e-t-c-h out to reach but I managed to get hold of the corner of the bag and gave it a little tug.  The avo things rolled down closer to me so I could ever so carefully take them at a the palm tree.

And that was my big mistake.  Because.....I forgot....that.....from the laundry room.......Mum has a very nice view of the palm trees.

So when I was tip toe-ing along with my treasure in my mouth, I was spotted.  Drat! Foiled again.
And I was being so careful too......didn't even puncture the avo thing's skin with my teeth.

The avo things are now inside the microwave which is, according to Mum, dog-proof.  (One day we'll see about that.)

Oh well, I bet I wouldn't like avocados anyway.

Thursday, 31 January 2013

What the ...?

What is this thing?   It has come under the gate and is walking along the ledge outside our spa pool room.  It is poking out its horrible little blue tongue and appears to be giving us cheek.

Heidi is watching it but it is not responding to her repeated warnings to 'Get Lost!'

Mum is playing with the computer and she just keeps saying it is okay, and to be quiet, and to leave it alone.


I want to go out there and get that thing.  Somebody tell Mum to open the door and let the big, brave guard dogs do their duty to protect the property.

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Brave dogs

There is a big, huge, scary, loud storm called a cyclone at our place right now.  It is really, really wet underpaw and we are not allowed to go outside unless supervised by Mum or Dad.

There are lovely big puddles in the back yard that look just like a dog should go and jump into them.  Heidi is not interested. She doesn't like having wet feet ... unless she is chasing a duck into the Lake, which is an entirely different matter.

I love mud and puddles. Mum sees it as her personal duty to restrict my access to mud puddles for some reason.  I think it has something to do with my face plant into the mud at the puppy park and the resulting full body mud coverage.  She made me walk around the park on the leash until I was dry before she would take me home in the car and THEN I had to submit to a cold bath under the garden hose.  Talk about undignified!

So here we are, confined to barracks for the duration of the storm.  I don't really mind because the wind is sounding pretty scary out there. I don't like noises that come out of nowhere.  It is very confusing.

Mum has just taken us outside for the world's fastest toilet break after dinner......just enough time to do what was necessary with extremely urgent encouragement to 'hurry up, Trudy'.  We had to paddle out to the palm trees and find a good, above the water line spot there and get the job done as quickly as doggedly possible.  Heidi won the contest but only because I went to have a look at the puddles first.  Then we had to rush back inside for a towel down. Phew!

Mum has suggested that we get an indoor doggie toilet made of artificial grass and stuff for times like this.  I am appalled by this. It is the great outdoors for Heidi and me even if it means dealing with extreme weather situations.  We are very brave dogs.

Monday, 14 January 2013

Moving sticks

When I was on my morning patrol, I saw something on the window sill. It was a stick. It was on the outside...just lying on the brick ledge.
I couldn't really get at it to brush it gently off with my big, furry, gentle (but extremely powerful) paw so I huffed on the window. That didn't really help because the glass just fogged up.  I licked the fog off the glass because Mum likes to be able to see out of the windows (I am so helpful) and then....I thought I saw the stick move.
There was a bit of a breeze blowing outside so I figured that the stick was being pushed by the wind did it again!  It moved!  Not just a blowing in the breeze sort of move but a sort of a walking it had legs.  No way!  Sticks do not walk!  I was I called Heidi.
Heidi said that sticks do not walk and that I should have a lie down......then the stick walked again.  It walked right up the window to the next ledge.  Heidi said it wasn't possible and she barked for Mum.

Mum came to have a look and she told us that it wasn't a stick. It was a creature that looked like  stick and that we had to leave him alone.  Creature indeed! We knew Mum was making up stories to trick us again. So we waited and we watched. The "creature" walked up to where the bug screen starts so that meant I could have a proper sniff and suss it out properly.

I sniffed. It froze. I sniffed again and it attacked me. It stuck one of its skinny little, able to fit through the fly mesh, stick legs right into my nose!! Well...the nerve of some sticks! I was furious and insulted and confused and my nose itched so I thumped the window.  The stick fell off and tumbled down to the ground. I was all ready to dash outside to finish the rotten little beast off but Mum was more interested in my assault on the fly screen.
Apparently fly screens should not be thumped with one's big, furry, gentle (but extremely powerful) paws.  Heidi decided to go for a nice lie down to consider the possibilities of walking sticks while I was told to stay on the mat near the door and calm down. Pfft!

The stick eventually walked its way across to the plants and disappeared into the bushes.  It thinks it has won the battle but nobody gets away with poking me in the nose.  This is not over.

Monday, 7 January 2013

Airconditioner versus Geckos

In our house, high up on the wall, we have this thing.

It is a blowing machine and we really like it. On those horrible, sweaty summer days we can lie in a wonderful cool breeze and snooze.  Mum really likes it too.  Mum is not a fan of the horrible, sweaty summer days either, so you can imagine her distress the other day when the breeze blowing machine became incontinent.  If Heidi and I did what it did on the carpet, we would have been in big trouble.
Fortunately, Mum and Dad knew that the puddle was none of our doing.

So, yesterday, two men came in a van to inspect the breeze blowing machine and make pronouncements on its state of health.....kind of like a visit from the vet.  They took it to pieces..took its white cover off and gave Mum a big pat on the back because the filter thingy was clean.  Apparently this is not usual. I wonder if I have a filter thingy and if it is clean?  I guess it must be.....if Mum looks after a machine's filter thingy, she would look after mine, wouldn't she?

The men poured water into the breeze blowing machine to see if it would pee properly, outside as it should.  It did, but not fast enough, so the tall man said, "Hmmm.....must have a blockage," and proceeded to spray some stuff down into the breeze blower's innards.  This caused about a trillion ants to come scurrying out of the pipe on the outside.  Ants, ants and more ants kept coming out. The two men became very excited by this but I was told to behave and sit quietly when I tried to be part of the excitement.  Where was Heidi while all this was happening? Why, hiding, of course. No help whatsoever.

The two men tried pouring water in again......still not an adequate piddle from the breeze blowing machine.  "Hmmm," said the tall man. "We'll have to undo the pipe."  So Mum and I went outside to watch while he took the cover off the wall and found the pipe.  He opened it up and guess what he found?

He found a big plug of gecko poop!!

The geckos had been using the breeze blower as a feeding ground because the ants had built their nest in the pipe.  So when the breeze blower tried to pee, it couldn't do it properly because of the ant's nest and the gecko poop.  Once that was all cleared out, everything was fine.  The breeze blowing machine could pee away to its heart's content and our peaceful, cool snoozes were ensured.

I relayed all this news to Heidi but she would not come inside while the two men were here.  She decided to bark at them from the garage instead.  How embarrassing! I offered to help the men with the cleaning up but Mum said it was probably a better idea for me to just stay with her. Mum likes to have me very close.  She needs my assistance in moments like this. I am such a comfort to her.

Now we are all comfortable. The two men have gone away. Heidi has come inside, inspected the work zone and pronounced it satisfactory. Mum has a cup of tea and we all relaxing in a nice cool room.

Life is good.  Note to self.....keep an eye on those geckos.

Saturday, 5 January 2013

Mum's gone completely crazy.

As you know by now, the things my Mum does often confuse me. However, the last couple of days have been confusing beyond belief.

Usually Mum is very protective of her stuff. She collects it all up and puts it away in boxes or cupboards where Heidi and I are not allowed.  There are some things in the house that bring a stern, 'NO!' if one so much as sniffs at them.  We have been taught all about what things belong to humans and what things belong to dogs and how much more valuable human things are than dog things.

On Friday morning, a truck arrived on our driveway and deposited a big, brown bin right outside the garage. We thought this was most odd and gave it a good barking. It did not move.  So we gave it another good barking. It still didn't move so Heidi went to see Mum about it. Mum said we could have a look at it,  so when we going out for our walk we had a sniff at it and I stood up to have a look inside.
It smelt interesting but there was nothing in it. It was still there when we came home from our walk and a further growling from Heidi made no impact.

Then, while we were having our post-walk nap, the madness occurred. Mum started taking things out of the house and dropping them into the big, brown bin; cardboard boxes, a stereo system, a chair, the tv set that has been sitting in the garage for ages. all sorts of things.  Suddenly the things that she has always been so protective of were not required and out they went.  I was baffled by this behaviour.
I tried to save a cardboard box by sitting in it and was successful for about an hour but when I went outside to.....well, you know......Mum took the box out to the bin as well.

Heidi sat on the bed while Mum delved into the deep, dark recesses of the cupboard in the spare room.  More stuff for the bin; books, suspicious looking shoes, a cowboy hat, half a jigsaw puzzle......but then, she found something. It was green and she gave it to me.
 I studied it carefully.  Who knows what sort of things come out of cupboards. It looked like an ordinary ball but I had to be careful because I don't like squeaky balls.

So I slurped it. It didn't squeak.  Yay!

I decided it was safe to keep so after some consideration and a quick game of Catch with Dad, I have taken it out to my bed and hidden it under the rug so that Mum can't find it and throw it out with all the other things.

You never know what goes through human minds.  They are a very strange species.
I am going to have a nap now and hope that my new treasure will still be there when I wake up.