Disgusting!

This is a fruit bat.  I don't like fruit bats.  They fly around at night and crash around in the palm trees eating the little nutty things that the palm trees grow.  They squeal and squeak, making a lot of noise.
But, worst of all, they POOP!!!!!   EVERYWHERE!!!!  They are indiscriminate poopers.

On Sunday Mum was complaining about bat poop being on the windows. There was even some that had gone through the insect screens and onto the shutters.  Disgusting!

This didn't really concern me until last night.  You see, I was outside doing one of my regular patrols of the back yard, when one of the rotten little flying poopers flew over and pooped on me from a great height......on me.......on my back......right on my beautiful blonde woolly back.   Unbelievable!  I was shocked.  It felt horrible...all wet and stinky.  Disgusting!

Normally I don't have a problem with stinky things but this was just insulting.  What sort of creature wantonly poops on someone from a great height like that?  I tried to get it off by rolling on the grass but that didn't work, so I dashed inside to tell Mum.

She was in the kitchen doing something so, considerate dog that I am, I decided to not disturb her and went into the lounge instead. I thought maybe I could scrub the stinky goo off on the couch if I rubbed myself along under the cushions.  That didn't work either.

Then Dad smelt it.   He was not pleased.  I tried to show him that it was bat poop but he just told me to get away from his trousers. So I tried to get the poop off by rolling on the carpet.  That didn't work either.  I was very upset and confused by this time.

Mum heard all the uproar and came into the living room to see what was going on.  Dad had a hold on me by then and he pulled me out into the laundry.  (It was more like dragged really).  Mum gave my poor despoiled back a sponge bath and finally the stinky poop came off.  Then Mum dried me off with the hair dryer and I began to feel a bit better.

Mum realised that my delicate feelings had been hurt and said I could have a Schmacko to make me feel better.  That worked wonders.  Heidi appeared out of nowhere to get in on the Schmacko deal.  She claimed that she had felt my trauma and also needed a soothing treat. Pfft!

Mum said that when I hear the bats squealing, I should stay inside but that would interfere with my security patrols.  I think I need some sort of umbrella that would attach to my body to protect me from disgusting flying poopers.  If anyone can design such an umbrella, contact me via this page.

Thank you.
BBD

What the...?

We are seeking an explanation of this thing which we saw on our lake today.

It seems to be some sort of bird but we have never seen a bird like this before.  It was sailing across the lake this morning when we were having our walk.  Heidi and I sat and watched it for quite some time.

It is quite a big bird.  Heidi says it is not a duck. She says she wouldn't want to jump in after one of these. It has big wings and a sort of flat body.  I think Heidi could stand up on its back if she wanted to and have a ride.  I wonder if it is a friendly beastie?

It has a scary bag thing under its chin. When it sees a fish in the water, it dips its head in the water and scoops up the fish in the bag.  You can see the fish in there squirming about!  Horrible!  Then- gulp - down the fish goes.  Yuk!  I myself am not a fan of fish - but I do like those little prawns they put in Chinese fried rice.

When it was done fishing, this thing sort of stood up and ran along the top of the water, flapping its wings and eventually took off.  It flew around for a while and then landed on the other side of the lake. I think it was doing aerial surveillance - looking for more fish.

The landing was unbelievable. It came skidding in with its feet down and swished water up in a wave before sitting down on the surface.  Something like my mud puddle splash down only without the face plant at the end.

It is a puzzlement.  Whatever could it be?  

The Bed Hopper

Heidi and I have very comfortable beds. In fact we have two beds each. There are our warm weather beds which are trampoline beds on metal frames - and there are our winter beds which are like dens. They are big dog crates with cosy inserts to keep draughts out. Heidi even has her bean bag inside hers. In my winter den I have a nice thick base pad, a pillow and a blanket of many colours knitted by Nanna many years ago.  Our beds are super comfy.

However, recently, Heidi Ho has taken to playing a mean and nasty game with me in the middle of the night.  She has become.....A Bed Hopper!

For reasons best known to herself she has decided that she wants to snuggle not in her bean bag but in MY BLANKET OF MANY COLOURS!

We go to bed at the usual time after treats and a quick trip outside and settle down for the night.  Then when the house is quiet Heidi gives an alarm yip!  I wake up and am instantly alert because I am an amazing guard dog. What has she heard? I think to myself and race to the door to listen. I walk around checking all the doors to ensure that we are all safe.  Then, assured that all is well, I return to my bed and pillow and blanket only to find that Heidi has jumped into my bed.

I tell her to get out but she won't go.  I ask her nicely but she won't go.  I growl at her but she growls back.  She will not give my nice comfy bed back so I go into her bed.  But it is not my bed and I want my bed.  So what am I to do?

There is only one answer. Cry for Mum. So I knock on the door and cry for my Mummy to come and tell naughty Heidi to get out of my bed.

When Mum comes to see what is wrong with me because I am crying so piteously, she is not overly impressed with either of us.  She tells HoHo to get back in her own bed. Heidi goes. I jump quickly into my cosy den, put my head on my pillow and snuggle into my blanket of many colours.

All is quiet.....for now.

Oh Dear!

You may remember some time ago Mum had a big clean out and found this ball for me. 

Well, today something dreadful happened.

I don't know how it happened. I was just playing with it in my normal very, very gentle way. I didn't do anything, really I didn't.

Heidi was nowhere in sight so it wasn't her fault either.

My beautiful green and black ball suddenly became very unhappy with itself and started to spit its insides out.

I tried to push the insides back in but they kept coming out. I put my paw on the ball to pat it and even more insides became outsides. So I took it to Mum and she said she didn't know how to fix my ball,

She said she would try to push all the insides back in and stitch through the material to hold it all together. BUT she would only give a half hour guarantee on her work.  She said I must have been too rough.

I was insulted by this suggestion and gave her my most pathetic look. She said she would try to fix it but I must not hold out a lot of hope for its survival.

Oh dear. They just don't make balls like they used to. Thank Goodness I still have my super dooper red high bouncy ball.
I wonder where I left that?  Hmmm.?

The Mystery of the Poor Sore Paw

My sister Heidi Ho has had us all concerned because of a poor sore paw. All day yesterday she walked around on three legs holding her front right paw up as if she were one of those hunting pointer type dogs.

Mum gave her front leg a thorough examination and Heidi didn't seem to mind at all.  Mum rotated, stretched and manipulated the leg from shoulder to toes. She carefully probed the little furrows between the toes. She rubbed the paw pads. Heidi just sat there and didn't wince or whimper at all. Yet she continued to hold up the poor sore paw.  She managed to con an extra treat out of Dad by looking particularly pathetic whilst holding up the poor sore paw.   I was appalled!  Fortunately Mum was on hand to slip me a treat too even though there was nothing wrong with my paws.

Why was Heidi's paw sore?  Was it from battling tigers in the bushes?  No....no blood.
Was it from a vicious biting ant?  No....no swelling.
Was it from holding on tightly to a knuckle bone to stop it from moving while it was being crunched?
Was it from an overly exuberant bout of wrestling with 'moi'?

WHY?   It was a mystery.

This morning she bounced out of bed and the poor sore paw as no more.  A miracle had happened overnight.
Some mysteries are just never solved, I guess.

Old Habits

In the great Dogosphere there are several major forces at work.  The chief of these is the Common Knowledge or Accumulated Wisdom; things that all dogs know because of the millions of doggie spirits that have gone before..... such as the necessity of digging holes, seeking out treasures, chasing pussycats and possums, rolling in smelly things etc.

Mum is of the opinion that doggie spirits never really disappear; that they are actually released, restored and reincarnated.  She cites some rule about energy being neither created nor destroyed as the basis for this theory...Physics or Einstein or something...but she also says it is because dogs bring so much joy into the life of humans that one lifetime is just not enough.

In our house, the Common Knowledge is disseminated by the spirit of the Great Skidoo, a beautiful black Weimarana/Boxer, (real name Juno), who shuffled off this mortal coil some ten years ago.  Heidi seems to be the most recent incarnation of the Great Skidoo. Mum says that Heidi is alarmingly like Juno in her behaviours. Heidi seems to know a lot more than she could possibly have learned in her six years and is often able to offer instruction on the problems that beset a big blonde dog.

For example, when dinner was not being served at the appropriate time, the Great Skidoo (via Heidi) pronounced that a gentle hint was all that was necessary.  A beautifully executed "Sit up and Beg" manoeuvre from Heidi and a flying leap onto Dad's lap by me was exactly the right gentle hint. Dinner was served.
The Accumulated Wisdom triumphs again!
The Great Skidoo is always right.

So, the other day, when I was a bit bored because Mum had gone off to work and left us at home by ourselves, I enquired of the Great Skidoo what I could do with myself.  Heidi meditated upon the question and an answer was produced.  I merely acted upon the advice of all the doggie spirits of the Universe.


And that, Your Honour, is my defence against the current charges of theft and misappropriation.

It was the Common Knowedge, the Accumulated Wisdom....the Great Skidoo.....that made me do it.

YAY!!!!

MUMMY' S HOME!!!!.....finally.

On Saturday morning very early we woke up when we heard a car on the driveway.  Heidi became very excited right away because she knew it was Dad's car and started squealing and running around the garage.
With all that noise going on I couldn't tell whether it was Dad or not, so I just waited for something to happen.

Uncle Mike hadn't let us into the house yet because he was still asleep so I couldn't jump up to look out the window.  So I waited....Heidi kept squealing, "It's them! It's them!", but I was sooooo patient. I just waited.

And then the door opened......and there was Mum!   Oh!  Then I was very happy and excited and gave her a big cuddle and a slurp. Heidi was dancing around on her back legs, singing her "Welcome Home, Where the Hell Have You Been?" song.  Mum sat on the couch so we could both snuggle up to her at the same time and asked us if we had been good. Naturally we assured her that we had been totally well- behaved at all times and not to believe any stories about missing loaves of bread that Uncle Mike might tell.

Dad wouldn't let me help with the unpacking but I was allowed to jump on the pile of dirty clothes that was waiting to go into the washing machine. That was fun.

Now everything has returned to normal.  Uncle Mike has gone back to his home. Dad went off to work this morning.  Mum went to the shops to restock our food shelf. All is well in my world.

But...I am considering getting rid of those suitcases. If they didn't have suitcases, they couldn't go away, could they?   Hmmmm.