The Taste Test

This is a tomato.  My humans eat them regularly. 

I found one. It was on the bench. So I took it.

I took it outside.  I tasted it.  

It was YUKKO!

So I brought it back.  Mum can have it if she wants it.

It failed my taste test.

Treats and the Rules Thereof

On the weekend we had a visit from some of our human family. Apparently Mum was to be celebrated for some reason. 

Heidi and I were very excited to see them, especially when they produced a bag of treats for us.

We were issued with a couple of treats each.  They were delicious - breath-freshening too, according to the packet. Why I would need to have my breath freshened, I have no idea, but I am happy to go along with the idea if treats are involved.

On Monday Mum promised us a treat but her telephone rang and she put the packet of treats on the table while she talked to whoever was calling. 

So that she wouldn't have to worry about feeding us, I decided to take the packet myself.  Such a helpful and considerate dog am I. Of course, I was going to share with Heidi - possibly.

Imagine my surprise when Mum grabbed the packet from me and proceeded to lecture me on 

The Rules pertaining to Treats.

1. Treat packets are only to be opened by Mum, Dad or a visiting human.
2. If one should see a packet of treats lying on a table or bench, one must not try to take it.
3. If one is caught trying to take a packet of treats, one will be deprived of said treats.
4. A second infringement will result in more serious deprivations.
5. Good well-mannered dogs get treats.  
6. One has to sit and offer a thankful paw before one receives a treat.

Oops!  Sprung!

Darn it!  Caught again!

Why must humans be so difficult?

Time For a Check Up

Yesterday, Mum surprised me by taking me for a drive in the car.

This usually means we are going to the puppy park but, since Mum left Heidi at home to take care of the house, I was a bit confused.

When we got the corner and turned left, I knew something was up.

When we got to the traffic lights and turned left again, I thought "Oh oh!'

When we got to the roundabout and turned right, I knew what was happening.

When we turned in at the big sign with V E T written on it, I started to cry.  I knew where I was and I was not impressed.

Mum got me out of the car and in we went. I had to sit on the big black scale for a minute - 25.2kg.

Then we had to sit and wait.  I don't like waiting, especially at the V E T. I whimpered. Mum said to be quiet.  I tried to sit on Mum's lap. Mum said to get down.  I slithered under Mum's chair.  Mum said to come out.  I sat there beside Mum all a-quiver.  Mum said I was being a goober.

The lady at the desk told me I was very pretty.  Nothing new there -  I know I am beautiful.  I was still quivering.  The lady at the desk told me it wouldn't be long, it would be my turn soon.  That didn't stop my shivers.

Then Dr Clare came out of her room.  I like Dr Clare.  She gives good ear rubs and is less free with her thermometer than Dr Ian is.  'Come on, Gorgeous,' she said.

See, told you I am beautiful.

In the room, Dr Clare looked in my ears, looked at my eyes, checked my teeth, felt my tummy and listened to my chest.  Then she ran her hands all over me, even down my legs.  I held my breath because if the temperature taking was going to happen, that was when it would be.  But, hurray!  No need to take the temperature!  All I had to have was a little sting from the needle to keep me healthy and then I scored some treats for being such a good girl.

Dr Clare said I was in excellent condition and that she was very pleased by my super clean teeth.  'You have been very clever eating those bones,' she told me.

So, in conclusion, I am a clever, extremely healthy and fabulously beautiful dog.

But then, you knew that, didn't you?

Treasure Count February

Here is this month's treasure count so far.

Found:      Socks…………...7 black work socks,  6 white golf socks
                  Underpants…….2 white, 1 black
                  T-shirts………….0


Retrieved by Mum:    Socks……….6 black work socks, 6 white golf socks
                                     Underpants….2 white, 1 black  (It took her a while to find the black pair but she has to be credited with the score.)

Still in secret hiding place:     1 black work sock

Damaged beyond saving:       1 white sock, 1 pair white underpants.


Final Score:    Big Blonde Dog:  16            Mum:  13

I am feeling quite pleased with my efforts so far this month.  I have been able to keep one sock safely stashed and have rendered two items unusable.  

I have also removed one bread roll from the kitchen bench, shredded a magazine, chewed up a tea bag…didn't like it much so spat it out on the carpet, and managed to have three naps on the spare bed without being disturbed.  

I have rolled in possum poop once and eaten cat poop twice.  (Mmmmm…cat poop…yummo)

I have managed to keep Heidi out of my bed and I have scared the socks off two sets of door knocking salespeople.  (Mum says I get extra points for doing that.)

All in all a good month so far.  I am staking out the kitchen right now because Mum has something in the slow cooker that smells really good.  Perhaps there will be some tasty tidbits for a well-behaved dog.

Have a nice Valentines Day everyone. 

 Big Slurps!  

Such a Clever Dog.

Today started out as an overcast day.  There were lots of grey clouds around but it was also very hot.
Mum got herself organised to go out but, before she left, she put a whole of things out on the washing line.

She puts them out there to dry off in the sun. I am not allowed to touch things on the washing line. This was made clear after the great sheet shredding of 2007.  Hmmm.

BUT….while Mum was out, the clouds became darker and then it started to rumble.  Heidi headed off to bed since she couldn't get inside to go into the walk in closet.
It began to rain lightly and there was even more rumbling.

I looked at Mum's things on the washing line.
I was worried on two counts, a)  I don't like rumbly, crashing, banging storms and
                                               b)  I knew Mum wouldn't be happy if all her things got wet again.

So, I decided to bring them inside.   I jumped up and grabbed each piece off the line and brought them into the garage.  I had about half of the washing inside when I heard Mum's car on the driveway.

Mum saw the washing on the floor and, for a minute, I thought she wasn't going to understand what had happened.

I ran outside to get another item of laundry. Mum got the message and came out with me.

She pulled the rest of the things down quickly and brought them inside.

She gathered up the things I had brought in already and told me I was a good, clever dog.

HOWEVER I am given to understand that this was an isolated event and did not in any way contravene the rules pertaining to laundry.  Seems the great sheet shredding may not yet be entirely forgotten.  

But I am a GOOD CLEVER DOG.   

The Phantom Strikes Again.

 Oh no!  Dad's t-shirt stashed out in the garden.   Looks a bit chewed and dribbled on.   Oh dear!

Whoever could have done such a terrible, terrible thing?

It could only have been……duh, duh, daaaaahhhhh….pause for sinister music….

                                                         THE PHANTOM.

The Dragon

Mum and I went for walk today down to the lake.

All the usual beasties were there - the black swans, the ducks and the lizards.  But, as were coming along past the amphitheatre, I saw a dragon.  It stuck its big head up out of the bushes and looked around.

 It had a big long neck and a teeny tiny head.  It looked like it was holding something on a long string.

I rushed up the slope to have a look.  Mum said to calm down but I was in no mood to be calm.  How dare a dragon come to my lake.  What was it holding?  I had to know.

So Mum and I walked right up to the top of the slope and right over to the fence so that I could see what was happening.

That dragon had captured two men and put them into a big metal cage.  It was dangling the metal cage over the water filter thing on the side of the lake.   How dangerous is that?  The water filter thing catches any lumpy bits of leaves and branches and chops them up so that they can go down the drains easily.  If that dragon dropped those men in there,  they would be chopped up too.  I was horrified.

The two men in the metal cage waved at me.  They were obviously trying to get my attention so that I could go for help.  I barked at them that I would save them.  Mum said to be quiet.  What the…!
Didn't she realise what was going on?  I was trying to be a hero.

Then the men did a really strange thing.  They barked back at me……and they didn't even speak proper dog language.  What had that dragon done to them to make them think that they could communicate with a dog as brilliant as me simply by making unintelligible noises.

Mum said to leave them alone and to stop making so much noise.  We moved on.  I guess if you are silly enough to let a dragon catch you and stick you in a metal cage and dangle you over a branch munching water filter thingy, you don't really deserve to be rescued anyway - certainly not by me.

Cycle of life, I'd say.

Their lunch box smelled pretty good though…..Mum wouldn't let me have a look inside that.

Ah well, cycle of life.