Qu-exit

You have not had one of my reports for many days. This is because our whole world has changed.

Earlier this year Dad decided that he did not want to go to work any more. He decided that he would now be "Retired".

Retired is when Humans change their behaviours in some quite startling ways.

Example #1:   Mum and Dad now sleep later each morning. This means that there is no longer a warm spot in the big bed for Heidi to leap into for a couple of hours of snoozing before Mum gets up.
It also means that our breakfast treats are served at a slightly later hour.   Pfft!

Example #2:   Heidi and I can now enjoy a walk together. Mum can only manage one dog at a time as - apparently - one of us can become a little over excited sometimes. Now Dad comes along with us so we can all go together.  Wags!

Example #3: One's humans began to throw out lots of stuff and pack stuff into boxes. Dad began to paint anything that stood still and Mum went into a cleaning frenzy as though Christmas was approaching. Odd!

Example #4:   One can find oneself being left to the care of dog-sitters far more often. Mum and Dad seem to feel that they should take themselves off to places unknown on a more regular basis. Pfft!

This all came to a head a month or so ago when Heidi and I found ourselves being loaded into the car for a play date with some people called Bevan and Angela.

We were dropped off at a very nice place with a big lawn of soft, springy grass - perfect for rolling upon - a swimming pool, and one of those trampoline things. We were busily exploring the yard when Mum and Dad sneaked out and drove away. 

Bevan played with us and gave us treats. I worked out how to open the sliding door into the house and HoHo found a nifty hiding space under the trampoline.

After about an hour, Mum and Dad returned, put us back in the car and we came home. 

A week later, we were taken back to Bevan and Angela's house, but this time Mum and Dad did not come back to fetch us.

We did not know what to think. 

We had been abandoned. 

What had we done wrong? 

Heidi told me it was my fault - too many socks stolen. 

Bad as that was, worse was yet to come. 

A few days had passed when a van arrived at the house. A man loaded us into crates and drove to a very noisy place. There were other dogs in cages there, just like us - even a few cats - but, who cares about them. 

We sat in our cages and worried about what was going to happen next.

It was unbelievable!!!

We were taken to a huge metal thing...like a bird...sitting out in the sun. Our cages were put inside the bird thing and then it was all dark. We could feel the bird thing moving. It was very loud - very scary - and it seemed to go on for ever. When the noise finally stopped, the side of the bird was opened and our cages were taken out and put onto a little truck. It was dark outside and chilly too. 

And then....Mum and Dad were there!! Our cages were being opened and Mum and Dad were hugging us and telling us everything was okay. We had been flying and now we were in Tasmania.  

Here is a map to show you how far we far we came.

We started in Brisbane and flew in the bird thing all the way to Tasmania. Probably about a million kilometres, I would say. How brave were we? 

Mum and Dad took us to our new house and gave us dinner. We were extremely hungry. Our cubby beds were waiting for us with brand new warm mattresses to snuggle into. Heidi's couch was even there too.  Mum settled us down for bed as usual and we curled up to sleep.  Phew!

We are all back together again and things in our world are almost normal again...except for some really odd smells out there in the garden.  

Heroic Hounds Save the Day!

Nothing much has been happening around our place for some time.

Life has gone on as usual - breakfast, snooze, walks, snooze, play outside, check on Otto the Rat next door, snooze, compare notes with Kailua the brown cat over the back fence, tell Mum it is nearly dinnertime, wait patiently, tell Mum it is dinnertime, eat, check the backyard, snooze, welcome Dad home, snooze,  pre-bed snack, check backyard for possums, bedtime. Just the usual routine.

However, on Saturday, Mum and Dad headed off to the shops to buy food as they usually do, leaving us on the eastern side of the house. We have a good-sized piece of garden to play in and we can get into the garage where our bed cubbies are.

So we waited for them to come home. Heidi and I always get nice meaty bones after Mum and Dad come home from shopping. Someone called "Butcher" provides them.

After a while, Heidi thought that she heard a noise in the house. She went down to the laundry door to have a look and a sniff. She came running back to tell me that there was definitely something going on inside the house.

This seemed odd to me because I had not heard Dad's car on the driveway.

We waited quietly.  The noises became louder. We could hear cupboards opening and things being tipped out on the floor. We went back out to the laundry door and saw......PEOPLE......IN OUR HOUSE.

Heidi and I had a bit of a bark at that point. Who were these people and what were they doing to our stuff?  Our barking didn't seem to bother them. They were busy making a mess and hardly gave us a second look when they saw us through the glass door of the laundry.

We dashed back to the garage. We sat quietly and listened. Heidi went to bed. She said the acoustics were better inside her cubby. Pfft!

And then it happened.....

I heard footsteps coming along the corridor.

I waited.

The garage door opened........and......

 I SPRANG FORWARD LIKE A FEROCIOUS WOLF DEFENDING HER TERRITORY!

Heidi followed behind me barking berserkly.

You should have seen the faces of those intruders!  The woman took her belt off and tried to hit me with it, but I ducked out of the way and went for one of the men. He dropped the bags he was holding and ran for it. So did the woman. The other guy had one of our television sets and was already on his way out to his car. There was nothing we could do to stop him. They went out the back door and closed it so we couldn't go after them. We kept barking as loudly as we could. "They're getting away! They're getting away!"

Our neighbour from across the road heard our noise and came to see what was happening.  He ran across the street and started wrestling with one of the men.

Just then, we heard Dad's car outside. We rushed to the front door as Mum and Dad were coming in.
They saw right away what had happened.
Mum looked out the window and saw the intruders in the lay-by. Dad raced out to help our neighbour while Mum rang the police.

The intruders managed to drive away, but not without damage. Our neighbour punched one man and broke his nose, Dad injured the other man's face as well, and the two of them smashed the car's windscreen.

 The policemen came quickly and pronounced HoHo and I to be heroes. They said that it was clear that the intruders would have escaped with a lot more than one tv set if it hadn't been for us.
We accepted meaty bones as our reward.

The television set they did not take. Can you see the bags all full of Mum's pretty shoes that they were going to steal?

The cheeky devils used every bag they could find, even pillow cases, to pack things into.

Here I am guarding Mum while the police people dust for paw and fingerprints. One has to keep out of their way while they do this. I was willing to help, but was informed my services were not necessary.

You will be pleased to know that the police caught those rotten intruders. We didn't get our television set back though. The main thing, according to Mum and Dad, is that we are all safe and sound.

Mum said she was very proud of her valiant dogs and gave us big cuddles and extra treats.

Warning to potential house breakers:   

KEEP AWAY FROM OUR PLACE!

Ho Ho Ho!

Merry Christmas everyone.  Heidi and I hope your Christmas has been as good as ours.

Yesterday was the day of the traditional Christmas feasting.  Our other humans arrived at our door bearing armloads of bags and parcels.  The benches in the kitchen were filled with trays of food and many packages were added to those already under our Christmas tree.

As directed by Mum, Heidi and I had steadfastly avoided interfering with any of the parcels under the tree up until the moment that this one was placed there by Eliza and Mark.

See that little label?  It says "For Trudy and Heidi Ho" and, let me tell you, we knew straight away it was for us. It smelled really, really, really yummy.
We tried to remove it from its position under the tree using the old Divert and Switch tactic whereby Heidi distracts the humans by being particularly endearing and super cute while I sneak off with the targeted treasure.
But, as usual, Mum's eagle eyes spotted the manoeuvre and put a halt to it immediately.  Pfft!

We didn't have to wait long though. We were allowed to open the parcels - because we are extremely talented on the ripping and tearing skills - for everyone.

Look at the super-dooper new pulling thingy that Santa brought for me.

 It even has a handle on it!!  I was informed that the handle is for the human to hold while I pull.  I dispute this.  Mark says the two tails are there so we can both pull on it while someone holds the handle.  I have decided that if I can't hold the handle, I am going to chew it off.

But - back to the mystery box.   When we were allowed to look inside it, we found that it contained special doggie muffins.  YUMMO.  They are made with peanut butter and other tasty things.
SO GOOD.  As you can see in the picture, we had to try a few to make sure we liked them before Mum could take the photo.

Now the pretty tin is sitting on top of the refrigerator because Mum informs me that she - get this - doesn't trust me. 

Can you believe that?  

We love Christmas. 

Scary Business

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Never allow cats near computers. 

This is the sort of thing they are likely to get up to.  Innocent dogs all over the world could find themselves exported from their homes to....to...to...to Goodness Knows Where...which, as we all know because Mum has spoken of it many times, is where unwanted things go.  It is the generic name for the places I hide Dad's unwanted socks and underwear.


Cats are clearly creative yet horribly devious beings.  HoHo and I have had several run-ins with cats. They are not to be trusted.

Computer owners beware.  Cats are out to take over your machines.  You have been warned!

The Solution

The Christmas tree is up and we have freshly steamed carpet and new chairs in our lounge room. A large and very noisy truck arrived yesterday and, despite spirited resistance on our parts, Mum allowed two men to bring the chairs into the house.

These additions to our home have, however, raised a whole new issue.

Apparently, new chairs are not to be rested upon by canine security patrol officers.  Pffft!!!

You will observe the disdainful pose adopted by Officer HoHo in the picture above after she was informed of the new regulations by Mum.

It seems that only human posteriors are deemed worthy of repose upon these new seats.
Heidi and I are putting together a detailed list of reasons as to why we should also be allowed access to all seating within our area of protective services.

All suggestions will be gratefully received.  We feel this new regulation is a gross abuse of power by our humans. Heidi says we need to act on this as soon as possible before the new regulation becomes set in stone.

Signing off.

Woof!

Confusion reigns

Normally at this time of the year, according to Heidi's diary, Mum builds a Christmas tree in our lounge room. She then explains the Rules Pertaining to Christmas Trees to us, just in case we have forgotten them from last year.
No searching for possums in the Christmas tree branches, no barking at the flashing lights, no chewing anything in, around or attached to the Christmas tree etc.  You get the idea.

However, this year our lounge room looks like this.

The old red chairs have made their way into the garage. This is odd. Heidi slept on one last night to ensure that it was not stolen.

The old blue couches are now in the family room. This is also odd. It happened on Saturday when Heidi and I were outside discussing events of the day with Otto (aka The Rat) who lives behind the back fence. He was concerned about his humans because they had become obsessed with cutting branches off the bushes in their garden and throwing them into large black plastic bags. Otto was maintaining a low profile (not hard for one so small) in order to avoid being mistaken for a branch and ending up in a bag.  We advised Otto to be very careful. You can never tell what these humans are going to get up to.

Anyway, now we have this arrangement in our family room.

You will notice there is a complete lack of Christmas tree.  It is not in the lounge. It is not in the family room.  Heidi's diary (in which all wisdom is written) clearly states it should be built now. We are confused.

Our first reaction to this oddness of activity from Mum and Dad was to check for suitcases.  Usually, when they start behaving oddly, it means that they are about to disappear off to the High Seas or Places Far Far Away and that Uncle Mike is coming to take care of us.

There are no signs of suitcases being packed.  Hmmmm.  'Tis a puzzlement.

Right now, Heidi is lying, snoozing, relaxing,  guarding the lounge room in a deceptively relaxed-looking pose. To the untrained eye she appears to be sound asleep, but in actual fact she is on high alert for any new activity - weird or otherwise.

As senior guard hound, I am being vigilant also. I am performing my usual patrols of the house and garden, keeping Otto up to date on proceedings, checking on all hidden treasures (including one sock carefully removed from Dad's golf shoe last night) and maintaining my dental health by chomping on an ancient bone I had forgotten I'd buried behind the palm trees.  This is called mutt-li-tasking.  I am so busy!!!!

Stay tuned for further updates.  Must get back to work.

Woof!

Things That Go Knock in the Night

Every night, after dinner, Heidi and I have our post-dinner nap.  This is important for our digestive comfort and, according to Mum, is one of the most peaceful times of the day.

Last night, however, our nap time was rudely interrupted.

There was a THUMP on the window of the lounge room.  We both woke up with a jump. It was a loud thump and definitely a scary thump.  I believe that Mum was startled too, because she said a word that even I know is a bad word. Dad hadn't come home from work yet so, as usual, it was up to me to protect the household.

I unfolded myself from the armchair I had been keeping warm for Dad and gave the window a stern bark.

It responded with a series of sharp rattles and knocks.   Eeek!  I hurried over to Mum to make sure she was not too frightened.  I sat on her lap to reassure her. 

More knocking!   Double eeek!   Heidi came to help me look after Mum. 

We waited.  Mum managed to remove me from her lap and put on a show of bravery by walking over to the window.

Another knock!  Look out, Mum!!

She opened the shutters so we could see out into the dark and fearsome night.

We looked.  Who or what could have been knocking at our window?
You will notice in the picture that Heidi is adopting the less brave observational option by putting the chair between herself and the beastie of the night. She maintains this was because I was taking up all the room beside the window and she needed to be up higher so that she had a clear view of the interloper.  Pfft!  What a load of codswallop!  It is easy to see who the big, brave, super-protective, household security officer is...and it isn't her.

So, what was the source of the knocking?  Well, apparently this stupid bird had flown into the window...CRUNCH...and knocked himself out.  Then, according to the rules of bird-dom (which are somewhat similar to the rules of football), had to be sidelined for a few minutes to be tested for concussion.
The initial thump was him crashing into the window and the subsequent rattling around was another bird testing him for brain damage.  The knocking was the injured bird trying to get his bearings by tapping on the glass.

Birds are weird things.  They are all feathery and fluffy and enjoying teasing and tormenting household security officers who choose to conduct their sentry duties from a lying position in the sun.   

This bird looked confused. He had to sit on the ledge for about thirty minutes before he was considered fit to return to whatever bird game he was playing.  I watched him closely until he flew off into the night with one of his friends.

Peace was then restored to our house. Heidi suggested to Mum that treats might be in order for the valiant security team.  Mum poo-poo-ed this idea but, when Dad came home, we told him how brave we had been. (Soft touch is our Dad.)  Treats were then issued.

All was well in our world.  

Cats

We have a strict policy on Pussy Cats.  

They are not welcome on our property under any circumstances.

We understand that some humans, for reasons that are completely incomprehensible to us, actually like cats.  There is no accounting for taste, we suppose.

However, if one has to put up with a pussy cat in one's home, it should be a clean one.

So, at the risk of offending the cat lovers, here is how one should clean a pussy cat.

Woofle, woofle, woofle......rolling on floor laughing. 

Wet Days

Today is a wet and miserable day.  

Heidi and I are curled up on the couches sulking.
Mum has absolutely refused to do anything about the wet weather. Dad has absolutely refused to get out of bed.
He claims to have something called 'Man Flu'.  This is something that causes him to kick Heidi off the big bed every time she hops up there. Heidi tried to inform him that she was there in her capacity as Assistant Comfort Director, but he just snorted rudely at her.  I tried a toe lick, which he normally accepts with good grace, but was advised to remove myself from his presence immediately.
So we have joined Mum in the living room.  She coffee. We have been issued with treats, but that has not calmed our wet weather sulking.

Wet weather makes life difficult for dogs.  

One has to be extremely quick when taking care of business in the back yard.

One cannot spend a peaceful ten minutes digging around the palm trees or barking at Otto the Rat who lives on the other side of the fence.

One has to have one's paws dried every time one re-enters the house.  This is particularly vexing for HoHo.  She does not appreciate her paws being touched.

One cannot perform one's security patrols to ensure that the property is not being invaded by vicious, spitting, snarling pussycats.  Even Kahlua, our exotic Burmese feline neighbour with whom we have a mutual avoidance arrangement, has retreated to the top of a bookshelf in his lounge room.

One has to deal with cooler temperatures. This is being exaggerated for us today, as we spent yesterday being bathed and clipped by Miss Anna at the dog spa.  She cheerfully removed the woolly suits that we had been wearing for the past couple of months.  Now one is a Skinny Minnie instead of Big Blonde Dog.  Brrr.


We will continue to lie here on our couches, curled in tight, tight circles until the weather gods deign to return the sun to the sky, thus allowing normal activities to resume.


Yours Sulkily,
Skinny Minnie (aka BBD).

Deep Disgrace

Oh dear, apparently I am a disgrace.  I have been thus informed by both Mum and Dad.

Over the weekend I was on my usual patrol of the house, looking for potential threats to the well-being of my humans, when I happened upon an odd-looking thing.

It was one of these.  It was sitting on the little table beside the big bed where Mum and Dad sleep. 

I looked at it and had a sniff.  It smelled of Dad's face.  I decided it was a face-sucking- off creature. 

It seemed to be me that this was something to be either eaten or completely destroyed.....or maybe both.

So I took it outside.

And pulled it to pieces.

And chewed it up.

And ate most of it.

On Saturday Mum and Dad were very upset because they couldn't find the funny-looking thing.

They hunted all over the bedroom, all over the house, behind the palm trees and in the garage. 

I said nothing.  

  Heidi retreated to her bed while they were searching. She said I was going to be in big trouble.

That made no sense to me.  Had I not removed a deadly-dangerous, face-sucking-off gadget from the house and thereby protected my Dad?

Then, yesterday, when Mum was adding to her collection of our garden deposits, she found the remains of the plastic nose piece of the face-sucking-off gadget in amongst...well, you know where it was.

Heidi was right. I was in big trouble. There were no treats for me all day.  Pfft!

So, today, I decided to give back the bit of face-sucking-off gadget that I had put away for later. I brought it in for Mum.  She was still not pleased with me.

I am in deep disgrace.  I have been given dinner but I suspect that there will be no treats again this evening.

Sigh!

The trick to treats.

I have discovered something.

I am surprised I have not worked this out before. It is quite a simple thing really.  Heidi says she has known this for some time and has assumed that I knew too, but I didn't know and HoHo didn't tell me.

I know now though.  

What an amazing discovery!  

Here it is.

If, when one's human calls, a clever dog should come immediately (not when the clever dog feels like it) that clever dog gets treats.

Who knew?

Mum, in particular, is easily impressed by prompt response. 

I found this to be true when I was out in the garden on the weekend.  It was a slow morning. There was nobody to be barked at in the park. There was no sign of Otto the chihuahua (aka Otto the Rat) in his yard behind the fence.  There were no pigeons for Heidi to terrorise. Kahlua, our exotic feline neighbour,  was not in his usual position on top of the fence.  A quiet morning indeed. 

So when I heard Mum call, there was no need for me to dilly-dally.  I went inside right away.

Mum was so happy with me that she allowed me to make my own choice of treat.  (A rare event.)

 I chose Vegetable Tagine.  I hadn't tried those ones before.  Mum gave me one. Yum.  I dashed out to tell Heidi that treats were being served.  Mum called us again.  I came in right away again. More treats were issued.  It was fantastic. Heidi got some too, even though she had wandered in at her leisure.

I got more because I was so instantaneous in my my obedience.

I am so clever.  

My friend Tambo says he knows more tricks for getting treats.  I hope he is going to tell me every single one of them.

Post-treat nap time.

Wintery Mornings

It is winter now.  In the  mornings, when Mum comes to open the back door for us, it is still dark. We quickly zip out to check the back yard to make sure everything is just where we left it last night. Then we go back into our snug cubby beds.
With the back door open, there is a definite coolness drifting into the garage and up and around our nether portions. Brr.

We can hear Dad moving around doing his showering and face-scraping activities. So, we go into the lounge and curl up on the chairs.

And we wait,

and we wait........

until we hear the click of the front door and the noise of the car starting up. That means that Dad has gone off to work. 

We creep down the hall to the bedroom where Mum and Dad sleep.  They have a lovely big bed and, when Dad has left, Mum goes back to sleep for a while.  There is a whole side of that really big bed unoccupied. So we have decided that it would be very helpful thing if we were to keep that side warm for Mum. We wouldn't want her to feel lonely in that really big bed.

Heidi goes to check on Mum. She snuffles her face up as high as she can to touch Mum's hand or face or whatever she can reach.  If Mum is still awake, we have to be content to lie on the floor next to the really big bed and wait a bit longer.

But if Mum is asleep, we ever so quietly and gently hop up onto the bed beside her.  

Hee hee.

Heidi goes up near Dad's pillow, because she is lighter and can step more gently than me. I have big paws and I tend to be heavy footed (according to Heidi) no matter how careful I am.

I settle down at the bottom of the really big bed.  

It is so comfortable and so snuggly. We curl up and go to sleep until Mum wakes up.

It is the perfect crime.  

There is only one thing that can go wrong.  

Sometimes a particularly putrid odour wafts around the room.  Where it comes from, I am not sure...but when that happens, Mum becomes aware of our presence. We are then requested, none too politely, to leave the bedroom and return to our own beds.  Pfft!

However, in my opinion, winter mornings are rather pleasant when one can share a comfy bed with one's human.

Invasion of the Tree Snatchers.

My after treats morning nap was rudely interrupted by a very loud noise.
As I am an expert and highly-experienced guard dog, I was instantly on the alert. I rushed outside to check the backyard.  The noise was coming from our next-door neighbour's yard - where Kahlua lives.
Kahlua is a cat of the Burmese variety.  Heidi and I have an arrangement with Kahlua.  He stays on his side of the fence and we stay on ours.  He sits on top of his shed and gazes in our direction. We give a cursory bark and proceed to ignore him.  He sings his catty songs at night when the moon is full. We join in.  All is in order between Kahlua and us.

This morning, however, Kahlua's humans were up to no good.  Not content with cutting down two trees in their own garden, they were stealing our tree as well.

 I gave them a jolly good barking.  They kept attacking our tree.  I rushed back in to wake Heidi up so that she could add weight to the barking assault.  Even then they worked on.

I hurried to find Mum.  She was having a shower and was not interested in  my knocking on the bathroom door. So I resorted to finding Dad.

He was reading his newspaper and did not show any interest in my concern about the tree snatchers.

Things were getting desperate.  They had already taken all the leafy part of the tree.

Mum emerged from her shower and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to cease and desist my barking.  She was perfectly content to allow these humans to steal our tree.
This, I suppose, should not have been a surprise to me. Mum has a thing about leaves. She is forever sweeping them up and putting them in the garden bag.
I assumed a pose of complete desolation at the door and watched as the tree was cut down.

They even came into our yard....MY YARD...to get the last bits.  I was horrified.

So now, the tree is gone.  Mum and Dad are happy.  Dad says he won't have to worry so much about cleaning out the gutters and Mum is happy about fewer leaves to clear up.

Heidi and I were given soothing bones to ease our injured guard dog pride.

I have made a formal request to be advised in advance if there are to be any further instances of tree snatching so that I can prepare myself for the shock.

After all,  as you all know, I am a very sensitive (and very beautiful) dog.  

The Waiting Game

Today I have been waiting....

   

and pacing....

and waiting.

Why?  Because Mum said that our prize should come today.  

We were very excited about our prize and we could hardly wait for the postman to come by.

But, when he came, he didn't bring anything for Heidi and me, just a couple of letters for Mum.

I couldn't believe it.  

Where was our prize?  Surely the lovely people at Kanine Dog Treats hadn't forgotten us.

Mum said we might just have to wait another day.  (Sigh.)  Waiting is very hard for me.

So when dad arrived home with a package under his arm, we were  really excited.  

We jumped around and barked and tried to help Mum unpack everything.

Look what we got!!!

Four packets of goodies.  

Heidi inspected them with me. She said they are not the same as the ones we had before...ham and cheese flavour and not the breath fresh ones either.  These ones are different.  

We have Chicken, Apple, Burgundy beef and a Mixed pack.  Wow!

I chose to start with the chicken ones because there were little ones, just right for Heidi's delicate little mouth, and big ones for my big gob. 

Dad made us sit down and remember our manners before we tried a biscuit each. 

We were only allowed to have one each...pfft!   Mum said our bellies were already full because we had just had our dinner.  Boo!  

I am quite sure I could have eaten a whole packet without any trouble at all. 

Now all our yummy treats are in the cupboard.  We will be having some more tomorrow.

Mum says there are no nasty chemicals in these treats and that is why they are so delicious.

Kanine Homemade Dog Treats

Our Rating:  Two tails up!

We Are Winners

Do you remember what I wrote about treats a few days ago?
We had received some of the really yummy treats that our other humans buy for us at the markets.  We really like these treats.

Well, as a result of my attempts to treat myself, we have won a competition.

Mum sent a picture of us with the treat packet to the folks over at Kanine Homemade Dog Treats for their competition and...

WE WON!!

They are going to send us a month's worth of their delicious dog treats.

I am just wondering what the people at Kanine think a month's worth of treats looks like.

I wonder if their ideas and mine match.  Mum says probably not.

Got to go....have to wait for the postman to come.  

The Taste Test

This is a tomato.  My humans eat them regularly. 

I found one. It was on the bench. So I took it.

I took it outside.  I tasted it.  

It was YUKKO!

So I brought it back.  Mum can have it if she wants it.

It failed my taste test.

Treats and the Rules Thereof

On the weekend we had a visit from some of our human family. Apparently Mum was to be celebrated for some reason. 

Heidi and I were very excited to see them, especially when they produced a bag of treats for us.

We were issued with a couple of treats each.  They were delicious - breath-freshening too, according to the packet. Why I would need to have my breath freshened, I have no idea, but I am happy to go along with the idea if treats are involved.

On Monday Mum promised us a treat but her telephone rang and she put the packet of treats on the table while she talked to whoever was calling. 

So that she wouldn't have to worry about feeding us, I decided to take the packet myself.  Such a helpful and considerate dog am I. Of course, I was going to share with Heidi - possibly.

Imagine my surprise when Mum grabbed the packet from me and proceeded to lecture me on 

The Rules pertaining to Treats.

1. Treat packets are only to be opened by Mum, Dad or a visiting human.
2. If one should see a packet of treats lying on a table or bench, one must not try to take it.
3. If one is caught trying to take a packet of treats, one will be deprived of said treats.
4. A second infringement will result in more serious deprivations.
5. Good well-mannered dogs get treats.  
6. One has to sit and offer a thankful paw before one receives a treat.

Oops!  Sprung!

Darn it!  Caught again!

Why must humans be so difficult?

Time For a Check Up

Yesterday, Mum surprised me by taking me for a drive in the car.

This usually means we are going to the puppy park but, since Mum left Heidi at home to take care of the house, I was a bit confused.

When we got the corner and turned left, I knew something was up.

When we got to the traffic lights and turned left again, I thought "Oh oh!'

When we got to the roundabout and turned right, I knew what was happening.

When we turned in at the big sign with V E T written on it, I started to cry.  I knew where I was and I was not impressed.

Mum got me out of the car and in we went. I had to sit on the big black scale for a minute - 25.2kg.

Then we had to sit and wait.  I don't like waiting, especially at the V E T. I whimpered. Mum said to be quiet.  I tried to sit on Mum's lap. Mum said to get down.  I slithered under Mum's chair.  Mum said to come out.  I sat there beside Mum all a-quiver.  Mum said I was being a goober.

The lady at the desk told me I was very pretty.  Nothing new there -  I know I am beautiful.  I was still quivering.  The lady at the desk told me it wouldn't be long, it would be my turn soon.  That didn't stop my shivers.

Then Dr Clare came out of her room.  I like Dr Clare.  She gives good ear rubs and is less free with her thermometer than Dr Ian is.  'Come on, Gorgeous,' she said.

See, told you I am beautiful.

In the room, Dr Clare looked in my ears, looked at my eyes, checked my teeth, felt my tummy and listened to my chest.  Then she ran her hands all over me, even down my legs.  I held my breath because if the temperature taking was going to happen, that was when it would be.  But, hurray!  No need to take the temperature!  All I had to have was a little sting from the needle to keep me healthy and then I scored some treats for being such a good girl.

Dr Clare said I was in excellent condition and that she was very pleased by my super clean teeth.  'You have been very clever eating those bones,' she told me.

So, in conclusion, I am a clever, extremely healthy and fabulously beautiful dog.

But then, you knew that, didn't you?

Treasure Count February

Here is this month's treasure count so far.

Found:      Socks…………...7 black work socks,  6 white golf socks
                  Underpants…….2 white, 1 black
                  T-shirts………….0


Retrieved by Mum:    Socks……….6 black work socks, 6 white golf socks
                                     Underpants….2 white, 1 black  (It took her a while to find the black pair but she has to be credited with the score.)

Still in secret hiding place:     1 black work sock

Damaged beyond saving:       1 white sock, 1 pair white underpants.


Final Score:    Big Blonde Dog:  16            Mum:  13

I am feeling quite pleased with my efforts so far this month.  I have been able to keep one sock safely stashed and have rendered two items unusable.  

I have also removed one bread roll from the kitchen bench, shredded a magazine, chewed up a tea bag…didn't like it much so spat it out on the carpet, and managed to have three naps on the spare bed without being disturbed.  

I have rolled in possum poop once and eaten cat poop twice.  (Mmmmm…cat poop…yummo)

I have managed to keep Heidi out of my bed and I have scared the socks off two sets of door knocking salespeople.  (Mum says I get extra points for doing that.)

All in all a good month so far.  I am staking out the kitchen right now because Mum has something in the slow cooker that smells really good.  Perhaps there will be some tasty tidbits for a well-behaved dog.

Have a nice Valentines Day everyone. 

 Big Slurps!